To my Single Ladies...
Let's be honest, what's the worst part about being single? I bet people are waiting for you to say, "the loneliness" or "dealing with trifling guys." Well I have news for you, a headline from my own personal life as of late: the worst part of being single is the sexist perceptions of those around you.
This is a black, hip-hop feminist blog so lets dive right in. Single women can get some pretty heavy microaggressions thrown their way just off the simple fact that they are single and woman. Seems pretty self-explanatory, right? Wrong. I want to take you through three of the biggest microaggressions I have faced over the last six years of my singledom.
1. Every girl thinking you want a (their) man; 2. Every family member thinking you won't ever find a man 3. Everybody thinking your thirsty af
1. Every girl thinking you want a (her) man
This is the one, if not the only one, that gets laid in my path ever so often. Men and women in relationships have a funny way of trying to lasso your presence into it. A woman who is in relationship with her guy obviously was looking for his type of companionship. Hats off to the successful ones, I truly do admire you guys.
But let's be clear. Just because you want your man does not mean every single woman does too. Yes, there may be a spoonful of good ones out there but we aren't all feigning for yours. Maybe, just maybe, we want something more from our lives than being a home-wrecker. Also, a single woman should not bear the weight of symbolizing something deeply wrong within your own relationship. Your relationship and she are very separate. So let's keep it that way.
Last but not least, why is being single like a sickness that needs to be cured/dealt with? PSA: stop trying to "fix" me. No, every nice guy that I meet I am not flirting with. No, just because I am not currently entertaining anyone does not mean I am looking. No, I am not being bitter/not open to finding someone if I'm saying all of this. Can't a woman have something else on her mind than trying to entertain a guy? Dang!
Let's Flip It: If a single man was friends with a taken girl, would he be accused of wanting to steal her away from her man when there are so many other single people out there?
2. Every family member thinking you're single for life
"You still don't have a boyfriend, right?" My favorite holiday greeting. No really, it has more of a guarantee than presents under a Christmas tree.
3. Everybody else seeing you as too sexually available
Why is it that suddenly once you get cuffed, you are suddenly more wise, sacred and pure? It seems as if all of my single friends have either been seen as too sexually active, too thirsty or too much into the party lifestyle.